Lookie! I'm getting the hang of this Blogspot thingamabob! Worked on this from scratch and initially had a very different idea. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to come through with my original idea mostly because I couldn't find the means to realize it. Even the theme was quite different and thus, I come out with this somewhat half-baked piece of work. It hardly had any effort put into it graphic-wise mostly because I had wasted much of my original zeal on an idea that I couldn't work out. Image is just cropped, lightened and pasted on with some fancy text layout.

Anyway, as for life updates... Nada. I've been contained to this house the whole time though I plan to leave tomorrow for the YFC meeting and Easter mass. I won't be at home from around 8am until noon or so. Then after that, I'll be watching a movie on friday. Darn it, I wish Tito Donee would send the money already so I can rest easier. Oh, I'll also be leaving monday to head over to the laundromat. I seriously need to get my other clothes cleaned.

Just my luck... Hehe...

# Ascognati reminisced at 4:40 PM 
2 remembered...

"...the only thing certain about humanity is their uncertainty."

Another day has passed and thankfully, my pockets were not as empty as they were previously thanks to my folks sending me some money. Hopefully, I can visit Makati soon to see whether College Assurance Plan ( which didn't really assure me much ) is able to give me the money they failed to give during the last two semester which they legally owe. I know that I may be sounding like a money-hungry scrooge by now, but the fact is, I need it to survive. It's becoming awfully difficult and I need some kind of re-assurance that things will not turn into a nightmare. This is simply because I refuse to go the United States of America.

I think I've already mentioned this on my first post. Anyway, moving on, I attended a small get-together with some of my High School friends. All we did was mostly play the Warcraft III map, Defense of the Ancients ( or simply DotA ) and after which, we went over to Rap's place and played some PS2 games. All in all, not too exciting, but it served well in turning what might have been a dull day into something much more entertaining. After all, these guys are all much weirder than I am and I can feel at home with all the insane weirdness going on.

I also had a rather lengthly talk on the phone with Nikoru-chan and it was fun. It's always fun to have a fun conversation with someone you feel comfortable with. Lots of fun, really. It was a much longer conversation than the kind we've been having in recent days due to the lack of time. Which gives me reason to fear my upcoming telephone bills since I called her mobile phone while she was at the province. Nonetheless, I don't regret it because it was all worthwhile by making her laugh and smile for at least a few moments. It gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling to make friends happy, doesn't it?

[ Update on the Perditus Adfectio series... ]

I found myself pondering over a question asked to me one time, "Isn't this enough? Just being like this?". At the time, I couldn't really think of a decent answer so I just answered with whatever came to mind. But after reflecting on the matter, I realized one more answer to this question. I realized that, "as long as I am only a friend and prove him wrong, he will continue to be frustrated at that fact and take it out on her". As long as he continues to take it out on her as part of that frustration against me, it will burn in my conscience with a trail of thought which can be summarized as, 'he hurts her because of me'.

Paranoid as it seems, this trail of throught has truth to it and the fact that it is partially true, makes it true enough for me to believe. Confusing? Imagine living in my head. I was said to think too much and yeah, I guess I do.

Should I bury these feelings of mine? A forbidden feeling? Or should I just hide it and foster it until I lose all hope completely?

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BONUS ROUND! FIGHT-O!

Find your Celestial Choir

# Ascognati reminisced at 9:25 AM 
0 remembered...

"...love with someone unreachable. It's both a pity and an adventure."

Okay, I've gotten a decent four hour sleep and I shall be departing soon for Rap's place. Why? Because I can and it's terribly boring here. You'd think that after all my hardship, I'd learn the value of money and I'd probably just stay home and make ends meet. No, not really. I do appreciate the value of the hard-earned Peso, however, I would rather not stay around in a house without water. It's just... difficult. 'What about Tsukasa?' you might ask? Well, I'm going to buy some supplies for him first before I leave.

In any case, I will continue my adventurous tales from yesterday. Well, to tell you franbkly, there really isn't much left to type. We had a played a bunch of games to determine which unit was most dominant for that day. Sadly, I generally lost in the other competitions except for Sonic Blastman! I dominated somehow early on, but I just lost my strength after a while. Good thing it was Dhon who represented the unit and not me. After the whole things, we went to eat at Burger King where had some pretty interesting conversations.

What I guess I could look forward to is the possibility of Dhon, Lei, Eums and possibly MM to come over and stay for about a week some time after Holy Week. Let me make it clear, it's not the fact that a bunch of men are coming to sleep over, it's just that I cannot imagine the chaos and comedy that would come out of 5 guys staying in one house for one whole week. It almost sounds like a reality TV show. Now that I think about it, it might as well be one! You can be sure that I'll be making a summary of each day should it happen.

Now that all the good stuff has been let out, it's time for a little emo moment and some rants. If you would, I'd like you to connect the quotes of the perditus adfectio posts. If you're lazy, then I'll give you the benefit of checking it out in the hidden message below. Just highlight it.

" I've come to realize that I'm honestly, undeniably, hopelessly in...love with someone unreachable. It's both a pity and an adventure. "

That should pretty much sum up why I feel inspired yet at the very same time, I also feel somewhat forlorn. I find myself captivated and frustrated. It's beyond my understanding as to why this is gravitating to such an extent. Typically, it does not reach this level. I would suddenly discover that my thoughts are already being consumed.

Warning, the next segment is not for the easily disgusted and for those who despise various forms of mushy stuff.

You have been warned.

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I can't totally understand why I'm like this. I know that I've always had an attraction somehow but I had never realized that it had reached this degree. But, despite this, my first and foremost concern is her happiness. I wish that I could be the one who makes her smile the most. How I wish that if she thinks of me, she would smile at least ever so slightly. And to make her laugh brings me a joy that I can't even begin to explain. I'm trapped. Because she most likely can't even begin to picture the possibility of us. As hopeless as I feel, I want to move forward. I know that she is not as happy as she could be. He isn't always there and he's made her cry countless times. I feel guilt somehow in that.

How I wish I could be there whenever a tear rolls down her face. Whether it be of sadness brought to her by the world, or tears of joy that makes life worth living. I want to be there, at her side, whenever she needs someone to cry on, to laugh with, or simply just to keep her company on a gloomy monday.

I love her.

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# Ascognati reminisced at 9:13 AM 
0 remembered...

"I've come to realize that I'm honestly, undeniably, hopelessly in..."

Good news! I was sent a sum of cash through my bank account by my folks. Now I can buy myself some decent food and of course some for my faithful companion, Tsukasa. I still need to get the cash from Donee though. I need to pay the bills and find a new place to stay before everything here gets disconnected. Argh! If any of you happen to know a place that I can rent ( preferrably an apartment or someplace that I don't need to share ) so I can finally get some direction in this life of mine. For some odd reason, I feel bound by this house... as if it prevents me from doing anything productive. Old habits, in a sense.

Anyway, today was a pretty fun day. The most fun I've had in the recent days. There was an unofficial GSG Tourney ( with Dhon as the origin of it all ) over at the Timezone of Glorietta 4. It ended up becoming something resembling an EB but the main focus was intended on the games. Though it was planned to be composed of multiple 3-person teams, it ended up being an inter-unit ( the GSG is subdivided into 5 units ) competition since all the units had a representative except for the Zexen Silver Knights unit.

In the morning, I met up with Lei on my way to visit Nikoru-chan. Originally, I had no intentions of waiting for Lei, but since Nikoru-chan insisted so, I promptly waited. It was fun. Though brief, it was quite enjoyable. We had laughs and my stomach literally started to hurt because of Lei's story about the Q-tip which seemed to have grown into a meter stick with a t-shirt wrapped on it, dipped in gasoline and wrapped with barbed wire.

At G4, me and Lei opted to race on initial D. I won once. He won the rest. Ok fine, it was my first time playing and my leg kept on gettin cramps!!! I swear, I was forced to step on the acceleration pedal with my left foot since my right was getting cramps. It was enjoyable though I lost since they were close races. In the fighting game competition, I managed to snag a few wins at Guilty Gear XX. Plus, we've found a new random amusing game... Sonic Blastman! It's a game where you punch the pad and it meaure how strong the punch was. We kinda hogged that game for a good hour or two because of the fun of punching the camera shot of one of the members.

Haha! I could probably go on and on about what happened but I'm sleepy now. Maybe tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow.

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# Ascognati reminisced at 2:17 AM 
0 remembered...